Not "just" sad

People often asociate depression with sadness. They see us a this extremly sad person kneeled in the darkest corner of our house always crying with a box of never ending kleenex in one hand and a knife/pills on the other. 24/7. 365. Nothing further from the truth, I can tell you now that my son is not going to have memories of "just" a sobbying woman. Rather than that, It's most likely that when he thinks about his mom, he remembers this super tired woman that spent her days wanting to sleep all the time whom ironically had big round dark circles around her eyes from not being able to sleep at night. He will look back and see this person feeling terrible for being overweight but compulsively eating anything at all times. My son will think back at this lady who has lots of plans and ideas but lacks of any desire to play or go outside. My only child will remember spending his childhood next to an suddenly too old me who's angry at everything and everyone always. Unfortunately, all of this "behaviours" are associated with laziness. People think depressed people are juts too comfortable being miserable because we want to draw attentions. Bullshit. The least we want is people looking at us being at our worst. We need help, not scolding. We need understanding, not people being condescending to us. We need people to believe in us instead of being afraid of what we might do. We need people to acknowledge what we have: depression, and love us despite of it, not minimize it ignore it. Because it is not just being super sad: its about wanting to quit life, and the horrible contradiction that this has in our hearts and minds, is a struggle that takes a toll in our beings that wears us and leaves us ready to the wolves to come and feast on us.