Not caring at all.

It's been 3 years since I became a mom. At the time I witnessed first hand the second divorce of my father, something that put me through a lot of stress. It was not pretty (no breakup ever is) and I was in between crossfire with a newborn and helping out my two young brothers. I became very anxious and I ended up in therapy and got medicated. When waters calmed down, I found myself with some remains of a post partum depression which then detonated my "usual" depression. It all started with a small car accident. I wasn't able to go to the gym, which was the only thing that I had left from my pre-mom life. I tried to go back once the doctor let me, but hen we had money problems, and I had to call of the gym. It all went downhill from there: I felt guilty for not being able to help my husband financial, I felt like a burden, I started to feel anxious son I started to eat and drink more, which lead to me gaining weight, which lead to clothes not fitting any more, which lead to feeling ugly, which lead not having any interest in hanging out with anybody, so I stopped caring about my appearance. And my health. The worst part is that I don't have the drive to change it. And the very small, very hidden sane part of me is afraid of what will happen.